written by Naura Ariqah Achmad, student of 34 jakarta public high school
What is privacy? Broadly speaking privacy is the right to be let alone or freedom from interference or intrusion. Information privacy is the right to have some control over how your personal information is collected and used. According to Wikipedia privacy is the ability of an individual or group to seclude themselves or information about themselves, and thereby express themselves selectively. If there’s one thing that teenagers will fight for in their lives, it’s privacy, the freedom to do ad they wish, without “nosy” parents or siblings prying into their activities. The thing that you need to remember is that the desire for more privacy is a natural part of growing up, is not something unusual or out of the ordinary. As teens get older, they of course begin facing big challenges, like learning what kind of person they are. As a result, it is only natural that they would crave more privacy and space as they work these things out.
Privacy
comes from many aspects, this includes; Right to be alone, in 1890 the United
States jurists Samuel D. Warren and Louis Brandeis wrote “The Right to
Privacy”, an article in which they argued for the “right to be let alone”,
using that phrase as a definition of privacy. Limited access, this refers to a
person’s ability to participate in society without having other individuals and
organizations collect information about them. States of privacy, Alan Westin
defined four states or experience of privacy: solitude, intimacy, anonymity,
and reserve. Self-identify and personal growth, privacy may be understood as a
prerequisite for the development of a sense of self-identify, privacy barriers
in particular are instrumental in this process. And lastly personal privacy,
physical privacy could be defined as preventing “intrusions into one’s physical
space or solitude.
We have
seen so many things about parenting and respecting privacy for them, as teens
they could not and they should not disturb their parents’ privacy. Teens mostly
have been told to respect their parents’ choices and to be more considerate of
their situations, like how they talk to their parents, how they act around
their parents or simply so they respect their parents out of all. Parents have
taught teens to be politer and just following the ground rules that needed to
be exceeded in their current age, so that when they have grown up completely,
they have already understood the ‘no’ and ‘yes’ and what is good or what is bad
for them as matured people. Most parents want teens to be what they want them
to be, but the teens themselves haven’t been quite heard by their own parents,
be it about what they truly want, think or simply just respecting their
privacy.
According
to recent article I have read, as your children get older, they need more
privacy and more personal and psychological space, because they are dealing
with big teenage challenges, like how they are trying to figure out their
identities and having growth on their bodies, hobbies and even thoughts.
Basically, their interests. Hence, they need to have independence and be
responsible for them vary actions (Raising Children Network, 2018).
Many
parents out there have not reached the capability of respecting their
children’s privacy, ultimately the teens because in their personal mindset,
teens are the one going through so many changes, having too went through some
phases and have to endure any sorts of problems mostly alone – and parents
think this is the crucial phase of their children, therefore parents usually
give teens less freedom and more supervision, denying most of their privacy in
order to keep them under control.
Parents
deny most of it, forgetting that teens also need their space and their privacy,
like how to knock before entering their rooms, not to go through their stuff
without their consent, listening to their problems without guilt tripping, not
checking their phones without permission or just simply not shaming them for
what they like or chose to be. Parents that are suspicious and tend to
controlling usually make the teens tend to hide and lie, invading their
privacies would just deny their integral self, blocking the boundaries they
have and taking their controls of their own lives (Psychology Today, 2017).
These
craving that the teens have about privacy could be a huge adjustment for
parents as well. After all, there are so many unknown things that could be
unsettling at times, but I think what is the most important is that parents
need to realize that wanting more privacy does not necessarily mean that teens
has something to hide. Today’s society is truly scary, and everyone knows that
we need to be extra careful with our surroundings, especially parents to their
children, even though parents need to be more careful with their children’s,
over protective and even goes as far as breaching your child privacy’s isn’t a
right thing to do. Only when there is extreme secrecy should this be considered
as a potential red flag.
If most
parents want the teens to be open with them, they just need to respect their
privacy and give them space to be open about themselves rather than pushing and
denying of their needs. The actions parents give to the teens can backfire,
teens act out certain way mostly because the parents denied their beings and
respecting teens’ privacy is one of the certain ways that they set up a clear
boundary. Being a parent doesn’t mean owning the kids, they are still their own
self, with their own titles and needs, all they need are support, same respect
and an ear to listen.
As
mention above, if most parents want the teens to be more open with them,
privacy and trust is in need to build between this two party. Giving teens some
space and privacy can work wonders for their own development. Not only teens
will feel trusted, but they also feel capable and confident. When teens are
given the privacy they need, it helps them become more independent and builds
their self-confidence. As their parent, strive to strike balance between
knowing what your teen to have some private matters, and knowing when to step
in.
When
teens believe their parents have invaded their privacy, the result is often
more conflicts at home. Disagreement and even dispute between parents and
teens. If this happen trust will slowly fade from both of their bond, this
could result in the parent’s act more intrusive and breaching their teens
privacy more and more, and the teens keep rebelling or distance themselves. If
this is your experience, it would be best to take a step back and determine
where you can give your teen more space and privacy without compromising their
need for safety and guidance from you.
Even though it’s truly important to respect teens privacy, teens are not always ready to deal with the adult word alone. Teens still need parents to support, guide, and advice, they also need to be in regular contact with parents and communicating on a regular basis. It is not uncommon for teens to make quick irrational decisions, and they do not always think through the consequences of their choices. This where boundaries come into play, one way to determine where those boundaries exist is to ask yourself what parents really need to know and what they do not need to know.
For example, parents need to know where their children are going, who are they going with, and when they will be home but parents do not need to know what their children discussed with their friends. This are examples of taking precaution without being intrusive, this information could be helpful when something goes wrong. The key is knowing what they need to know as a parent and the thing that you can allow your teen to keep private.
